I don't really know where to start. God is speaking so much to me during this time... I am just going to write as if I am speaking with you face to face. I will start with the latest and throw in other things as it comes to mind. I am walking through an extremely lonely place right now. It is so good on one hand and on the other very difficult, but God is so super close to me, so I am not that lonely. I probably should not have even typed that word. To you, so that you will know my condition, lonely seems appropriate. I am literally waking up, walking throughout the day, then evening, then night, calling on the name of Jesus! It is so wonderful and I pray that when this season passes that I will have learned to call on His name continually like this for the rest of my life, even when on the mountains of life.
I am still milling over the fact that I have ultimately no one to please on earth other than Jesus, my Father and Lord. Once I have pleased Him, I am pleasing to all. That brings so much peace, I love it.
I was skyping with a wonderful friend on Friday night. She has just had her 5th child and we are always laughing together, crying together, and trying to get the hang of this life together. What a blessing she is to my life. She was filling me in on the political scene in America. I was blown away by some of the things I heard. Later that night, John and I were continuing to talk about these issues. A side note: also, my friend and I were acknowledging the fact that God has called us to raise these wonderful children, as difficult as it may seem at times. John and I had talked for about an hour or two, I was still getting my spoken words in for the day, as he started to snore! So, it quickly became God and I. It was so awesome! I picked up my Bible and my book light. I began to flip and flip and flip. Every page I turned to, was a word just for me, in every situation I am in at this present time. God is so amazing like that! I laid and prayed and read. I was pondering this situation in America, having these large families, the challenges that we face at times, the loneliness I feel, the attacks of the enemy that seem to not cease, etc... my brain was going and going. By the way, I have had it with the devil. He is a liar, a thief, a pitiful, pitiful existence on the face of the earth. We are victorious in Christ Jesus!! Billboards, music, homosexuals, cross dressers, immodest clothing, idols ( not only in Thailand, I am talking about the American ones too), TV, entertainment, etc...What and Who are we living for? Our own selfish pleasures? Our needs, our wants, our desires? It is not about us!!! This is what the Lord kept showing me that night in bed. Yes, this life can throw its challenges our way. I can have, very easily, a stressful day, snap at my children, disrespect my husband, and stomp away mad. But, is it really about me? Is it really about how hard I have it, how challenging this lifestyle can be, how hard it is on the mission field? Oh poor me? Whatever!! It is about the lost, His kingdom, raising our children to be warriors in this fallen world!! I pondered and pondered and felt the Lord impressing that there is a family movement sweeping across the nation. The Lord is raising up a generation that will fight the good fight and not give up, fight with all their might. These children are going to be warriors, ready to stand up to their adversaries with confidence. They are going to know the Bible, the word of the Lord, and have it hidden in their hearts and not be ashamed to speak it out. It is a vision that the Lord is planting inside THIS generation, you and me, in order to fulfill His plans on the earth. We must take hold of this vision in order to walk in the fruit! God is on the THRONE!! He sees our struggles, He sees our weaknesses and our desires! Lord, help us to not be so concerned with ourselves, our agenda, our plan, our life, our show, our movie, our dinner, our hairstyle, our waistline that we miss the vision that YOU have called us to help YOU fulfill.
In the midst of all of this I received my weekly devotion from Above Rubies. I couldn't believe my eyes...the title, something like 'Our Children as Speakers'. There were scripture references after scripture references for 'speaking boldly', 'speaking with Kings and Rulers', and 'Always ready to speak to those who oppose'. This is our children in the future!!! They will be ready to speak to those who oppose!!!! Yes, Lord... Thank you Jesus!! They will be ready! We are training them now!! We may get tired, we may face battle after battle, but little David is bigger with God on his side!! We will kill the giant!! Our children will know the truth!! And guess what, the truth WILL set them free!! When this came to mind that night, I kept seeing the Israelites being set free! Our nation and the whole world is in bondage!! Our children are going to set them free, they will set the captives free! We must plant seeds, we must teach them the scripture, they MUST know!! Our children are raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, they have the word hidden in their hearts, bound around their necks, placed on the foreheads, talked about as they walk along the way. We can't sit back and wait for bed time each night and add a quick story and prayer!! NO!! It has to be more!!! It must be more!!! It must be what our life is all about! Forget our own agendas, the movie and the popcorn, the trip to get the latest game for the Xbox... you have got to be kidding?! Look at our country! We have got to stop being so consumed with our own lives!
Another note: After my last post I was wondering... do I share too much of the truth about myself? Am I wrong for sharing my weaknesses. That same wonderful night with the Lord, 1 Corinthians 9:22 jumped off of my page!! It says, 'to the weak, I became weak, to win the weak.' Praise the Lord!! I am weak, right now, I feel absolutely helpless, so vulnerable. Seriously, the Lord is my all in all, He is the lifter of my head. His joy is my strength. I have always heard these scriptures, my whole life, and now, for the first time, I can say that literally days and days have gone by now that HE IS MY strength! I am nothing without Him, I can do nothing without Him! And guess what, if I have been brought all the way to the other side of the world to be lonely enough to grasp those things, that is worth it! I have recently really been able to empathize with missionaries from years past. I have been reading such a wonderful book called 'Set-Apart Femininity' and the author continually writes about Gladys Alward, Amy Carmichael, Elizabeth Fry, Vibia Perpetua, and Sabina Wurmbrand. If you don't know these women, they are much more interesting than the latest blockbuster or crime scene show. They will challenge you more than you thought you could be challenged. You know what?! If these women can make it, so can we!
Well, there is still so much I would love to share with my wonderful friends and family. I miss you all so much you just can't understand. I love you and wish that every time I had seen you all in the past that I would have embraced you for minutes and really poured out to you how I feel about each and every one of you! You are all so special! If I could only articulate what exactly I feel for you all!! Thank you for all of you prayers! You are wonderful, highly favored of the Lord!! We are all in this race together!!
** We cut Gabe's hair off yesterday:( !! I can't believe it, but you know it is time to cut a boy's hair when everyone thinks he is a girl!
**He turned 3 on the 25th and we had a wonderful time at the zoo and swim park. I will have to write about our zoo experience next post, I am out of time, but it was a GOD trip!
** Madaline, Lake, and Moriah are wonderful!! I have truly been blessed with awesome, awesome children. They are the perfect match for me as a mommy!
**John is working hard and doing well!
UNTIL NEXT TIME...BE BLESSED!!